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NC, I’m up under this boy like I’m his girl and I’m actually liking him. He pulls up to my complex and says that it’s too much. He says that I’m smothering him and that he didn’t sign up for a girlfriend. He apologized and told me he had to get home, his way of saying get the hell out of his car I guess [FASTFORWARD] …after all of that I still want to see him and talk to him. I’ve seen pics of his ex by the way I’m the best he’s ever done look wise, I’m sure. Your mouth is saying, “.” Be honest, your heart isn’t cold, it’s empty.
He had a hard time at work and was suspended so I offered to take him to see ******. It felt like someone kicked me in the damn stomach, NC. He told me that he didn’t want to waste the new year just playing around. This halfugly, toe sucking, broke ass, peasant was basically calling me a placeholder and I was still too dumb to realize it. You play that role online or in the group chat, but we both know that savage shit is all an act.
He stayed consistent, but we didn’t really text about shit.
I started to email you but I was afraid you would ask me why was I wasting time with a boy who I didn’t want romantically plus did not have anything to give me financially (He works part time in retail, lives with his brother, never finished college btw) so I decided not to bother you. I’m so confused and I honestly want to give him a real shot, but he won’t talk to me.? Going on dates for the fuck of it when you aren’t even feeling the guy.
You fantasize about businesses you’ll never get off the ground and the type of men you’ll never meet, let alone marry. but you don’t believe you can achieve because every time you try it doesn’t work out the way you want, so you pout and distract yourself with the latest gossip, news, or protest. It’s safer to sit online and complain, to clown with your friends and laugh away the pain, or to forget yourself in your latest boo and imagine that he will save you from your life. In the back of your mind is the possibility that you won’t end up with anything that you really wanted, and be one of those older ladies you meet that has to put a happy face on her mediocre life as if she planned it that way. What if all your potential is wasted on the wrong career?
…needless to say, I failed miserably at being a Spartan. We started to message and one thing led to another and I agreed to a date.
You said this year was going to be your year to get your hustle on, but you’ve spent more time this week scrolling your timeline then putting your business plans into gear.
Nothing you claim to be in your head is evident in your actions!
To avoid thinking about your life in that way and spiraling into an endless depression you use an antidote called blame. You’re an overthinking, fake-happy, mess of a person that plays a part in front of other people because you lack real power internally.
Today I want to talk about the core of your personality.